This is a post raqlaine inspired me to do. His anger towards 80's retro music post made me think of my own relationship with the said era... I do share his hatred for the banal acts that dominated the charts back then, and having had to listen to the all horrible Today FMs, the 2WSFMs, 106.5FMs during work hours in the past, I full-heartedly understand the frustration and anger this can generate within. However, when we talk about the 80's retro music, there are certain aspects that need to be put into consideration. I do have a quite a personal relationship with the 80's music, at times contradictory, at times naive and silly, yet still very important. Let me elaborate...


The Prologue

The 80's... I still remember watching on New Year's Eve certain Western music videos on Russian TV channel in Mongolia, oh-so-rare event back then in the late 80's. Everyone would gather around my house, eat, drink wine and champagne, be merry. I remember feeling excited and happy, dancing with the adults.. I was probably 6. My younger aunt was the fashion role model of everyone in the family, with her hairspray mullet, her neon bright clothes. She could breakdance! Later she went to Czechoslovakia to study, and when she came back, she was the COOLEST person ever. Full stop. She had these snow gloves that you see guys from Duran Duran wear on their videos. And the sunglasses. I was most impressed, however, with her little diary/artbook, wherein she had all these drawings and writings done by her friends there, pictures of David Bowie, Kiss, Europa, the Scorpions, etc., plus lots of band logos.. I'd spend hours staring at them. She had lots of posters of the Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, Michael Jackson, Queen, and other bands, I forget. For a little cute boy as me, she was the goddess. when i started school in '87, I would use my little knowledge of those bands to my advantage in order to gain popularity among the kids... I wanted to have a mullet hairdo. I wanted to dance like those guys on the videos. Actually, I recall I used to do this little dance back then, which, when I think about it now, was a goddamn aerobics exercise move!

Then came the 90's


For a while, in the early 90's, my sister, who's 2 years older than me, was into New Kids on the Block. Big Time. I couldn't relate to it much then, probably cos i was still too young. Then she got into stuff like Whitney Houston, Madonna, Boys II Men, etc. which I started listening to as well. Then later my friends started listening to Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, plus shitloads of these 90's eurotechno/rap bands, which usually consisted of a rapper guy and a singing girl. I was listening to them like a zombie, dancing in school dances, like a scarecrow, i can imagine, trying to impress girls, so i can get some action... hehe. And around mid 90"s, when i was about 12-13, I discovered, through my sister's then boyfriend, bands like Guns'n'Roses, Bon Jovi, and Aerosmith. He had this VHS full of music videos, taped from MTV. I was hooked. Guns'n'Roses blew me away. Bon Jovi were alright. But Aerosmith was exceptional. Although, all I saw/heard were the love ballads by the said bands, the mellow, chart topping songs. Then, I bought Aerosmoth's 'Get a Grip' album. I loved the faster, louder, nastier songs better. Then followed 'Pump'. I went backwards with their albums. Someone gave me one of their live albums, which had the song "Dream On". That song just killed me (although it was a ballad). I was hooked with that raspy guitar sound. First time I experienced rock music played really fucking LOUD through headphones with Aerosmith. Then I went to Krakow, Poland with my family. Age 13. There, when I started school, I met these 2 guys who were in my class: Metalheads. It started with me drawing monsters for them, as they requested. Then I started doing band logos, like Metallica, Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Meat Loaf, Def Leppard, the Scorpions... I got curious. Then I heard my first Black Sabbath album, borrowed from those guys. Then Metallica. My mum and sister bought me a Metallica t-shirt, which was 2 sizes too big for me. I wore it regardless though, mostly at home.. Although, I was still listening to Ace of Base, 2 Unlimited, and Pet Shop Boys every now and then, hehe.

Then someone told me about Nirvana. And Nirvana was one and only band I'd listen to for a while. And then Kurt killed himself, sealing grunge taste for years. During that time I couldn't bear 80's music. I thought it was all pretentious crap. Glam was definitely out.

Then around late 90's my taste evolved more towards heavier and extreme music, like Marilyn Manson (thanks to Billy, aka raqlaine), Korn (thanks to Uugii), Nine Inch Nails, plus all sorts of Death/Black/Thrash/Speed/Grindcore/Doom metal bands.. 80's was long forgotten around that time. Except for the Cure, and few punk bands I was into.


The Present

Enter Australia. Year 2000. Now I'm more into Gothic scene. Long hair, all-black dress code (which I still continue to uphold). Hereon, I begin to discover the origins of Goth and Industrial music. I didn't have to try hard, the 80's slapped back pretty hard. I instantly reacquired the forgotten taste of the happy child once dancing in front of the family TV set, so many years ago. Depeche Mode, New Order, Tears for Fears, Human League, Gary Numan... the electro sound came back for me. Plus I discovered Cocteau Twins. Since Liz Fraser had sung on Mezzanine of Massive Attack, actually finding out her real band was such a big moment. The further I listened to electro stuff, the more I appreciated the songs. The songs were solid. The gloom of post-punk, the dark-wave was alluring. Joy Division, Siouxie and the Banshees, Sisters of Mercy... Echo and the Bunnymen, Bauhaus, Jesus and Mary Chain, Skinny Puppy... I guess I was very romantic... and lonely. 'The Crow' comic book had a lot to do with the change of my taste, I think. The poetry, the arty layouts, the honesty of feelings, the pain... plus the lyrics of Robert Smith!

However, I have to add, soon afterwards, my musical taste pretty much exploded. Also I met Alex, (rezar), who further expanded my taste, with more alt. country flavour. I wanted to listen to anything from hardcore techno, to classical, to blues, jazz, bossa nova, gypsy music, country, electronica, trance doof stuff, drum'n'bass, hip hop, lots of experimental stuff, while still listening to all the heavy metal, industrial and punk bands I was into. Today, I can proudly say I am a Musical Whore. Always on the hunt for something new and exciting, new or old. :) The 80's are still very precious though. I am an 80's child! I've got some of that glitz and glam within. The new romantic! And when the whole electro-clash thing happened, it was nice, to see electro make a comeback: the Knife, Ladytron, Ellen Allien... Although, there's always gonna be some shitty pretentious fucks poisoning the ears of us, the commercial sluts of a musicians and singers, no talent no soul assholes in it for the dough, insulting my senses, my morals... always been and always will be i guess.

ellenade tagged me.. so i have to write 25 weird things about me. haha. sounds easy. and i'm bored. waiting for eggie. so i said i'll do it.

and here we go:

1. i'm nearly 27, and i still get acne.

2. i been taught communist ideals till the age of 13, and communist morals have been burned into my brain. this would cause much confusion and identity crisis later on. but i believe i, as Truman Capote put it: "... have walked out through the front door".

3. i must have the notes in my wallet heads up. and also in proper order from smaller to larger notes, if i can.

4. i can literally eat anything. except chilli. but i'm working on it. Mongolians are known to be not very good with seafood, but i can do reasonable amount of seafood.

5. i used to stutter badly when i was very young. i still do occasionally. very rarely.

6. i have bad liver from drinking too much alcohol. but i still drink fair bit on occasions, and get pretty drunk. i'm stupid. i'll grow up one day.

7. i have been wearing black predominantly since i came to Sydney's in 1999. it's because i could finally afford to buy my own clothes.

8. i have a 5 year old nephew in Sweden whom i still haven't met in person yet. he's lovely on the phone.

9. once i was nearly persecuted in Mongolia for publishing a book called "Caffeine Deficiency" with my good friends raqlaine, and Uugii. the book was a collection of writings by the 3 of us, drawings by me, and poetry by raqlaine, in Mongolian, Russian, and English. the contents were rather very dark and suicidal, i have to say. we were depressed.
nothing serious really happened though. they were sort of accusing us of promoting drug use. which wasn't true. a woman was shown on a TV channel called Eagle TV, sitting in a conference about Drugs in Mongolia. and she had a copy of our book in front of her, and the camera zoomed on it. haha. also, we were on a front page of this shitty gossip newspaper, which claimed our books were a bad influence on kids, and also that they're being given away for free to school kids.
first, drug problem in Mongolia was then at least pretty much non-existent. Alcoholism was and still is problem number one. (which i guess is a drug problem. but they don't count it as a "drug", do they?)
secondly, there were, i think, only three instances in the book which mentioned a use of "certain substance", or "substance".
thirdly, no one was giving our books away to school kids. we published 150 copies only, most of which we gave away to our close friends. and tried to sell the rest, but we didn't intend to profit from it really. it was funded by my mother, by the way. :)
i left soon after to study here, and while i was gone my then girlfriend (now wife) Eggie was called up to the Mongolian National Security Agency to be questioned, instead of us, cos she was the only one they could get in touch with i guess. they asked her whether we were drug users, and she of course said no, and then they had no case. but i was pretty worried by all this. just for the record, we haven't been using any drugs apart from caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol before and during the creation of the book. we were just fucking angry as hell. haha. although, sometimes i wish they issued an arrest warrant on me, at least, so i could claim political refugee status here, haha. lame, i know.

10. i fart in bed.

11. i can't take public transport without listening to music. well i can, but then i'm very uncomfortable.

12. i been smoking for 10 years now.

13. i sleep with my mouth open.

14. i been told i talk during my sleep. sometimes in mix of different languages.

15. and i snore, apparently. once they kicked me out of a tent.

16. most of my friends are in different countries.

17. i grew up having 8 grandparents in total. both grandparents on both sides divorced and remarried. was a bit confusing for me in the beginning. then one day they explained everything to us.

18. my earliest memory is one of me pulling down and crashing the Christmas tree. i was 2 and a half.

19. i been drawing in black and white exclusively most of my life. i have underdeveloped sense of colour.

20. i'm almost obsessed with industrial style of music.

21. i'm nearly sick of talking to people i just met about being from Mongolia. i'm also sick of entertainers using Mongolia as a "random" example for some unknown exotic place.

22. i deeply love Dostoyevski. that man opened a brand new inner window for me.

23. deep down i still believe in punk aesthetics. i try to live my life according to it. it doesn't take much to be yourself.

24. i don't mind hangovers.

25. i can't drive.

whoa, that took me a while.
i recently read this book by Mark Haddon, called The Curious Incident of The Dog in The Night-Time. and i loved it. although it's for teenagers. very nicely written mini-novel. i recommend it.

and i'm tagging: raqlainechiarojamespbandrewnewmanshlyharlekein

this is depressing. i've visited only 2% of the world.
hopefully the map will look better after this year. I WANT TO TRAVEL. BADLY. i been stuck here for last 6 years. no fair!
at least i got many places to discover... hmmmmmmmm



create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

had a huge headache for a few days straight. now it's kind of subsiding. i gave a blood test, which resulted in this bruise kind of mark on my arm, makes me look like a fucked up junkie. some blood must've gone under the skin. it's slightly sore. but nothing too serious. i hope. the headache made me go through some weird crisis. i can't handle when people talk too fast, and kind of yell at me, haha. well pretty much everything started giving me headache. like heavy metal, haha, which is understandable. so i been listening to real mellow stuff the whole time. cat power. great songs. did some sketches, but they're just doodles and stuff, nothing important, hah.
reading Sergei Dovlatov's first book of the three titles "Proses". makes me think a lot, and feel grounded. his style is semi-autobiographical, so reads like a diary, but at the same time, you get the feeling of the times in the 70s Russia, with the Party watching You and ready to fuck you over at any time. it's wonderful to read what people were actually feeling and thinking then, when i was not even born. and just reading about the system thatnurtured my childhood gives a nostalgic sense of loneliness and makesme sad and depressed. although Dovlatov makes things sound so damn funny. he writes his little reports for magazines and newspapers, puts them in his book in a series of chapters titled "Compromise number ...." and tells the circumstances and events that happened around the time and how he came about writing the thing. it's all very nicely done. brutally honest, spares nobody, even himself. every second page they're drinking vodka, and trying to chat up girls.

my headache i think is caused by the long back muscle, that goes up to the skull. it's kinda creeping back right now. i'm trying to fight it. i think i just need to get some nice massage.

i really like the new in flames album. it's kicking ass. double kicks man! haha.
anyway,
might go and see some japanese punks on sunday. been meaning to see some punk gigs for a while.
and planning to get into drawing pito again. well cos shly gave me a script to work with :) and i still have a couple of other stories i never finished. i'll upload some Pito stuff soon. not tonight. i feel too tired. and i'm after my third beer and it's nearly 11, which means it's bedtime kiddies!! oh and i need to do some political artwork for an exhibition, if i can pull it off... i been thinking of drawing a nice portrait of evo morales. he's my hero at the moment, haha :)
right. keep left people! ( i saw a girl at the Wonka! play who had a t-shirt on with a banksy print (one where he replaced molotov cocktail with a bouquet of roses) saying "keep left" at the bottom. i think i wanna make a t-shirt with the actual Keep Left road sign. actually.... i need to steal one for the show! i need a volunteer to come and steal one of those signs with me!!!
duh, nighty night.

i have been pretty busy with things, and haven't done anything even vaguely artistic. well till last night, when i decided to depict a certain dream i had very recently, which, as you can see below, was pretty damn graphic. now i don't claim to be the breast man, i strongly believe that sexually i'm all around pretty well balanced . it's just this dream somehow heavily concentrated on the breasts for some reason. i suspect this girl i saw on the bus, who was chubby and breast heavy.. anyway, maybe later i'll do my version of an "Ass-Man".

it's been the easiest weekend in a long while, it seems. basically first quiet weekend in a year probably :) didn't go out, just relaxed at home and watched some dvds. yesterday we watched Permanent Vacation by Jim Jarmusch, which i been wanting to see for a while. it was great, though very slow paced, as it's expected really, and had this surreal tone throughout. i wasn't disappointed, but it's not his greatest, it's one of his earliest.
and then watched Deuce Bigalow the European Gigolo. the worst movie ever. unforgivable. some should make motherfucker Rob Schneider stop producing crap. avoid at any cost, pretty much.
and today, some class. Hidden Fortress by Akira Kurosawa. the movie that inspired little George Lucas to write Star Wars. great movie.
and now we shall cook and enjoy yet another quiet evening at home :D

it's wonderful to relax, people. to stop and sniff the flowers, haha, even though i'm very allergic.

today we got the working visa we been working towards for so long. it's till february 2010. i couldn't be happier. it was a huge weight lifted off my back. i feel very relieved. my whole life has been full of ups and downs, and my emotional state has been very deteriorant (sp?). maybe i need to see a psychiatrist :)

a stubby and a cigarette make my night.

we went to see antony and the johnsons, and it was excellent. cocorosie supported, and they were real good too. even though i haven't heard any of their stuff previously, i enjoyed each and every song they played. it's a new favourite for sure.
and antony provided! he was very funny and quirky. was an excellent concert, we had an awesome time.

we had a huge party last saturday at our place. it was great, and thanks to susan and her projector, we're now operating a rooftop cinema on our balcony :) fun times!

we came back from camping. it was great. had awesome time. it got so damn hot that we had to be evacuated from our camping spot in the forest. we swam in a muddy river and then we went to andrew's beach house and had the best new years paty ever. spent lots of time at the beach. then we got stuck there cos the roads back were closed because of the bushfires.

anyway, i had a haircut. so did alex. it came real handy in 47C temperature.

i'll upload photos when our connection gets back to adsl. very soon. its all crap 56k now.

i'm so hungry

so bush went to mongolia, to thank the nation for providing troops to fight afghanis and iraqis. it is sad and pathetic. he spent 4 hours in Ulaanbaatar, for 4 soldiers we sent out, probably, haha. a personal friend of mine was telling me prior that he'd be translating mister Bush's speech live. i tried nagging him to change the speech and make the bastard apologise in front of the nation, heh. you don't get such opportunities often!
fucking w bush looked like he's in fucking disneyland or something, fucker!

i was pretty hungover today. had no headache though, just a very upset internal system. it sounds crazy, but i gotta admit that i like being hungover from time to time. it makes me very blunt and hyper, and do slightly crazy things i wouldn't normally do. like today, i somehow discovered that i can reach real high and very low notes without any struggle. amazing! so i spent the whole day singing along to silly songs, and i did an incredible rendition of Portishead's whole live in NYC album, and did well but the cd started skipping. quite a day for someone who was banned from singing not that long ago. and me and Ray did a killer version of Little Pig by Green Jelly, me doing the death-growl duties. yeah, it's like karaoke at my work.
now i'm gonna go to bed and sleep for 12 hours.

it's hot and sticky and i don't like being sticky. i'm reading about Will Eisner, and i think i will buy his A Contract with God and wanna flip through his Comics and Sequential Art, might be very interesting. it's gonna be worth it.

I've written a bit more to my story, but i can't think of the story and the visuals at the same time too well, so i've decided i should concentrate on one first and then go back and think about the visuals and write down instructions, for myself.. creating comics is not the easiest thing, it's like making a movie, framing, sequence, dialogue, structure, flow etc etc. it might take me a while. but i'm dead set on it, i'm ready to plunge and go deep.



on a different note, the vodafone company sent me an sms saying that i "can keep the SEV800 phone we gave you for our 3G trial. it is worth $649 and it's our way of saying thanks. we'll be in contact soon with details". i take it as an insult, personally, haha. anyway, at least i don't have to worry about this anymore. i had a feeling this would happen though. big corporations. i just can't sit well with big corporations.

making a cd for work. all songs has to be under 3 minutes. :) so i threw in some 20 second long punk songs, haha. that'd be fun at work..

Shly! definitely check out The Mad Capsule Markets, these crazy japs can rock hard! they released a live dvd+clips, i'd love to get it... some songs are bit too nu-metal, but they make up for it with shitloads of awesome tracks.

anyway, i was talking to Ray from work about Sho Kosugi. me and Ray have this little game called slash the laminate! we're in training to become the Ninja Masters of slashing laminate... anyway we wondered what happened to the great Sho Kosugi, the Best Movie Ninja



i told Ray that i'd do some research and find out. and guess what? he's not dead at all! far from it, he's planning a new ninja movie! read all about it here.

ok, 100% and done says the Nero, so it's time for me to quit jabbering.. my new work mix rules...! 29 songs!

Posting the first bits that i've written down so far. i have constructed a lose structure to the story and working on my notes. notes are important. i have formed at least more than half of the story in my head so far. will post them shortly.
keep in mind, nothing is set in stone... here goes:

The longest (fucking) route back home.

Opening page:

Dream - a baby crawls in the dark, first we see the hand, then zoom out to see the whole body. Baby’s got his eyes closed. Maybe searching for something... then his hand touches something (fleshy thing), zoom out and lo! AN OBESE MASS OF HUMAN FLESH, with a face. The face is smiling gently. Baby mutters: "father..?"

Page 2:

Hand with a cigarette. Zoom out. Boy sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee. Pretty clean house.

“I woke up that morning feeling as usual – tired. Had my morning coffee and toast. then the phone rang. Long distance calls start with a tiny 'beep'. It was my uncle. He never calls me. It’s always the aunty. That’s when I knew there was something wrong, seriously wrong.”

“I couldn’t believe it. The words seemed hollow and very distant. Only when my aunt started crying over the phone, it hit me.
I curled up on the kitchen floor and cried.”

Boy is squatting next to cupboards, holding the wireless phone. then forms a foetus on the floor. Phone is next to him going ‘beep beep beep...’ The floors is tiled (big square tiles).

Page 3:

“I worked as a kitchenhand, washing dried stuck cheese off hundreds of plates day after day. I hated it. My Italian boss would make crude jokes about Mongolians being lazier than Indians [you know, in a day, one Indian can do what ten Mongolians can't! ha-ha-ha] and make me clean urinals and sinks. Staff meals were crap, and he wanted to charge us for the beer we drank from the tap after work. I never paid. His face was just mildly disturbed when I told him that I have to go back home because my father had died.”

so i finally did my taxes. i'm relieved.
diamanda was excellent as ever. though the concert didn't go as long as i wanted it to. but quality not quantity. i enjoyed a lot her own little song called Baby's Insane.
metamorphosis was alright. though most of the guys didn't enjoy it as much. i didn't mind. they had changed too many things though, and some cartoony characters were just excessive. or as alex put it, they dumbed it down to a level where they wanted some cheap laughs. i agree. though i still quite enjoyed the sterile suburban freaky kitsch setting. of course i would've preferred a big gothic mansion with dark furniture setting better, and maybe the early 1900s garments too. in that regard the new adaptation just killed. bad bad taste of costumes.
still, even with so much makeover and changes, the story is as captivating as ever. the guy who played Gregor was real good. perfectly neurotic and tragic and funny and jerky...
i'm tired. i slept for in total of 13 and a half hours on saturday. i'm pretty hungry right now.
i shall post some other stuff later maybe..

me and alex are going to see the incredible Diamanda Galas live on concert at the state theatre on friday. so anyone interested in joining us is most welcome. i highly recommend on my part. i saw a few years back at the opera house and she completely blew my mind open. i had a headache for few days afterwards, mainly from thinking too much though, although some of her songs can result in some serious brain injury. like the song Sono L'Antichristo, or Wild Women with Steak Knives. But she can be most touching and soulful, songs take up a life of their own when she sings them. i truly admire her energy and strength on stage, and the way she brings out very serious political and personal issues with each performance. it has to be experienced. i've seen very few performers who had as much impact on me as her. i can't say enough about her. read up if you're not familiar.

These "gospels of despair, desolation and redemption" are drawn from popular songs of death and murder spanning the last century, including those of Johnny Cash, Edith Piaf, John Lee Hooker and Hank Williams. Galas records for Mute Records, where it's said that even label-mate Nick Cave avoids her at the water-cooler.

hmmm... can't wait..

i'm dead tired from the comics convention. it drained my soul and strength. i have had enough of silly kids and geeks for a while now. the whole place stank. made me feel pretty sick towards the end, and i could've suffered some sort of anxiety attack or something. i became all cranky and bitter, poor eggie had to put up with me for a few long hours. haha. i feel bad. i'm moody all over.

apart from that, the convention was great, despite the fact that i didn't have new comix to show and sell. still i sold all the 9 copies of pito #3 and 6 of each of the other 2 issues. and ate the money.
my prints didn't pull much attention. they did not belong with the crazed level of full colour glossed up bright sci-fi fantasy imagery the kids are accustomed to i guess. although, my friend kriss did pretty well for his first ever convention.

i'm happily ready to plunge into the creation of my own graphic storytelling, with renewed angsty energy i've accumulated from the experience. haha.

i bought 'the arkham asylum' comics by neil gaiman and dave mckean. couldn't even stand looking at the other comics. dave mckean paints the panels, pretty much, but it's very loose and abstract and just has that extra punch. other styles of drawings look just so plain slave-labour in comparison.
a guy came up to my stall and wanted me to walk over to the top cow stall and ask for a job. the company known for lara croft and witchblade. sexy chicks with silicon tits. oh so depressing. no wonder i'm so down today.
i won't go out tonight. i'll pike the dudes. had enough.
hung out with donald brooker till 2am last night. he's a great guy. wanted me to go dancing with him. he dances like james brown. splits and all. and i've seen him get beaten by a girl in a mock-wrestling match once.
everyone else were bitchy. and sad. and spent waaaaay too much money.

this is my problem. i don't belong anywhere. with anyone. i can't make myself 100 per cent comfortable with any sort of group, despite the fact that i fit right in anywhere i go. i think i'm good at picking friends. but at the same time sometimes i end up with the strangest people.

i can not stand escapism.
gutless spineless in-denial naive. i don't even know why i bother myself. and they bitch alot. and stab each others backs for fun. give me tom waits anytime. give me diamanda galas! give me honest people lord!

the collectors make me sick.
how does buying an expensive action figure help you as a person? what is the motivation? what is the use? greed fuckers greed! spineless in-denial freaks! capitalist pigs! exploiters! real jerks! idiots!

dressing up is fun.
but acting up while dressed is dumb. walking around all day in strom troopers gear is sad. dressed up people hang out with dressed up people only, pretty much. obvious reasons i guess.

the individuals.
as johnny rotten put it - they have become a uniform crowd. i hate rich people. where has the aesthetic gone? am i too narrow minded for not accepting the general crowd? am i an extremist?
i am an extremist when i'm tired and pissed off. tolerance level reaches dangerous lows. i'm known to burst out in people's faces. i always regret the concequences.

everyone thinks i'm on drugs.
it's always used as a joke. 'so, what kind of drugs where you on? these drawings are freaky! ha-ha-ha!'
i do not function creatively on drugs. uncreative people do. i really suck on drugs.

i couldn't help. i need some beer.

into my arms, o lord,
into my arms, o lord.